Monday, June 30, 2008

On Divorce and Re-Marriage

Many today would be surprised if you told them that divorce is, in fact, a very American phenomenon. When divorce is not an option, the two people are more likely to move heaven and earth to work a situation out. Because divorce has become such an easy thing to do for trifle reasons, then it is the first thing people resort to when they are disillusioned with the circumstances in their marriage.

God is very clear about how strongly He hates divorce. Divorce has never been part of God’s plan for marriage. Mathew 19:7-8, “They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away. He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.”
Marriage is a covenant made with the determination to remain together until Jesus returns or one of the two parties dies. Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. A contract is based on lack of trust, but a covenant is based on full trust. A contract can easily be dissolved if at any given moment, things are not convenient for the man or the woman. The marriage covenant cannot be dissolved because Biblically speaking the covenant makes the husband and wife one—in spirit, soul, and body. It is within this unity, that family is established with identity and a sense of security.

Malachi 2:14-16, “Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.”

God gave every person three privileges or inalienable rights—the right to life, the right to liberty, and the right to property. God is the one who gives life and no one has the right to take it away except civil authorities. To them he gave authority to put to death those who violate God’s law. If the circumstances of a marriage are some type of abuse or aggression, this is a violation to the God-given right to life. In this case, a temporal separation might be necessary, knowing that God can work to change their hearts during that period of time.

I recently went to the wedding of one of my best friends and college roommates. On the way to the wedding rehearsal, I was in the car with her grandmother—quite an extraordinary lady. She has been married for 67 years. She told me beaming, “The other day a young man asked me. ‘What does it take to be married for 67 years?” I echoed that question and said, “Yeah what does it take to be married for 67 years?”

In her grandmotherly voice she said, “Well at the moment I had never pondered that question, you know. It just, never crossed my mind. But nevertheless as I thought about it, I realized that through the good times and the bad, through the rough times and the smooth times, one thing remained certain, divorce was never an option. Today young people are as quick to get out of a marriage as they are to change their socks. They have all kinds of excuses: the romance was gone; he turned out being different than the man I married; even infidelity. But there is nothing that God can’t work with. There is nothing too hard for Him.” That’s sage advice.
Grandma Smith is not the only person who has told me that. Choosing divorce as the solution to a problem is to take the matter in our own hands and say, “God, this one is definitely too hard for You, I will take matters into my own hands and resolve it.”